i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
