areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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