I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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