drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
