remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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