I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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