I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
