i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
