He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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