If that was your dad, he is hot
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
