Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
