My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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