HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
