If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
