Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
