I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
