sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
