I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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