As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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