maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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