YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
