I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
