just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I think I just sharted jello shots
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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