So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Who died my cat blue again?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
