the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
