I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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