But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
