There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I enjoy the company of your penis
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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