after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
