guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
