I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
