its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
