My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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