Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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