she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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