I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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