On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
