R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
