just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
