So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
