So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
