Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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