Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Randomize
