I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
