the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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