Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
