I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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