I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
