it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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