Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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